Thursday, May 28, 2009

Twit TV

Look, it's not like we've got anything personal against Twitter — seven million people tweeting in unison surely outnumber a few cranky cultural critics — but really, sometimes enough is just too much.

There's already TwitterTV Live and TwitterTalkTV: Twitter for Business, where capitalist penguins go marching off in search of ways to make money from tweeting. (This is why, when WB started its own Twitter feed, our first dozen "followers" were... advertisers.) But those are online-only shows, and to be honest, there are probably worse things to waste time watching. We gave Twitter a try, and the staff unanimously voted, with its immediate absence, against doing much more than trying. Now it's mostly out of sight, out of mind; we could use it to announce new posts, but you know, that's what web browsers are for.

Now comes word that Hollywood power players are working on some kind of network reality show based on Twitter. The concept is extremely vague at the moment, but speculation includes contestants following 140-character tweets as their clues. Ooooh, fun!

Okay, enough with the sarcasm: the idea is insipid, inane, and vacuous. And even the Twitter community itself is against it. So that's all the ingredients needed, right there, for a successful show. Stupidity and animosity. Yay.

Frankly, we're looking forward to GPS TV, hosted by Molly the Satellite Voice. Contestants will go north 150 yards, turn right, arrive at their destination. Much mirth and mayhem will ensue. And it will be so much better than Twitter TV. After all, Twitter requires two people, a tweeter and a reader. GPS is us and the machine — one step closer to the end of evolution. Ones and zeroes: turn left, turn right, start, stop. No ambiguities or nuances to cause confusion. Yes or no. True or false. If/then; else/not. Of course, Us and the Machine isn't without problems; already we've heard about people obediently following their GPS directions off highways and onto forest horse trails that become mud, or up snow-covered mountains, or even onto the railroad tracks to be rammed by a train.

But these people, frankly, are idiots. Twitter TV will be smart. It will enhance the human condition. It will make life worth living. It will be a good thing.

In fact, we can whittle this post down to the last five sentences. That's probably less than 140 characters, right there. No need for anythi


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