A snowball's chance - in hell

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It was February when the chair of the U.S. Senate's committee on environmental issues, James "Douchenozzle" Inhofe of Oklahoma, brought a snowball to the Senate floor to prove that no climates are changing nowhere on the planet. Because he could make a snowball, in February, in Washington DC.

Mr. Douchenozzle will surely be back again next winter, too, perhaps with an icicle this time. When he does, it might be good to hammer him with today's trilogy of headlines:

1. A heat wave in India has killed over a thousand people due to temps as high as 122 degrees. As  Midwesterners who think we'll die during the 2-3 days every 3-4 summers when the mercury hits 102, we can't begin to imagine 20 more degrees than that. It would be like roasting inside an oven. Which is exactly what's happened to the thousand-plus who've died.

2. India is near the Alps, where scientists are concerned that ancient mountain ice might all melt before they've had a chance to research it thoroughly. So they're sending some mountain ice to Antarctica, which is also melting rapidly. The ice race is on.

3. The New Yorker linked to a new long-form article about Mars with the caption: "Our Backup Planet." Because after all of the fucktards like James Inhofe have gotten done taking care of the environment here on Earth, humankind will naturally take the same good care of our next planet too.

Why? Because we learn from our mistakes. We remember history. We strive to do better. And we are a very smart species—which is why when aliens test our intelligence, they shove probes up our asses.

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