Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Dancing with the Scumbags

Must be summer coming on — Dancing with the Stars is getting revved up, and Belinda Carlisle (former Go-Go's lead singer and current NutriSystem diet model) has already been kicked off. Steve-O from Jackass fame couldn't make the first show because after all those years of crawling over mousetraps, slicing his hands with paper cuts, urinating on red carpets, and electrocuting himself for laughs, he hurt his back doing a bonehead dance routine against his coach's advice. Which is a shame, because he's this year's Jerry Springer, who also played a dancing star before going on to put on a tux and emcee America's Got Talent while pretending he wasn't the guy who puts demented and dysfunctional trailer sewage (way beyond mere trash) on stage as TV "entertainment" for knuckle draggers. Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

So, back to this "stars" label. We figure one of three things is going on: (a) the term has lost all meaning; (b) the term is being applied too loosely; or (c) the term has been redefined to reflect just how desperately low we're willing to stoop in a search for celebrities to admire. And if that's the case, we won't be investing any couch time to follow the winners and losers, because when losers become winners, what's the point?

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