Tuesday, April 7, 2009

"Are you following me, camera guy?"

Hooker? $1000.

One package (eight) ShamWows? $19.95.

One night with said hooker that ended in an arrest and sore tongue? Priceless (and 401 ShamWows.)

Just two short weeks before Chris Brown pleaded not guilty to felony charges of assaulting and threatening to kill Rihanna, Vince Shlomi, better known as “that ShamWow Guy” was arrested on a felony battery charge involving a confrontation with a prostitute in Miami, Florida.

The prostitute, Sasha Harris, met Shlomi at a nightclub and apparently accepted $1000 for “straight sex.” Sadly, straight turned to jagged rather quickly when, according to Shlomi, he tried to kiss Harris and she “bit his tongue and would not let go.” Sholmi punched Harris several times, causing her to release the grasp she had on his tongue, in turn leaving her with “facial fractures and lacerations all over her face.” According to the police report, and mug shot, Shlomi also received facial injuries.

We know that any blood spilled at the scene will be easily picked up by the ShamWow, but WB would still like to offer its deepest condolences for your predicament, Shlomi. We know it’s hard being known as the “ShamWow Guy,” and we know if we didn’t say “ShamWow Guy,” no one would know who we were talking about — or care.

But C’mon, ShamWow Guy, picking up a prostitute is not the best way to get your real name to the masses. And really, dude, paying for sex when you're a millionaire and a celebrity? That's sort of pathetic. Aren’t you asham(wow)ed of yourself?

You’re on our wall of sham(wow)e, Shlomi.

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