Sunday, October 12, 2008

Pop Cult Nuggets #3

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pop cult nugget, n. - a little tidbit of information from the past week's happenings, followed by an even smaller tidbit of commentary.
Jim Beam has a new print ad. It says, "WHEN A CIVIL WAR SOLDIER HAD HIS LEG SAWED OFF, THEY DIDN'T GIVE HIM A VODKA CRANBERRY." We figure this must be a polite way of saying Cosmos Are for Fags. When we go in for our amputations, we'll know what drink to ask for.


Thousands of Metallica fans have begun a petition drive to force the band to re-master its latest CD, Death Magnetic — because it's too loud. They're also trading in the Rick Rubin-engineered version of the disc for the differently mastered Guitar Hero 3 soundtrack version, which allegedly has "100x better" sound quality. Just so we have this straight: Headbangers are complaining that the music is too loud. Satan must have installed ice machines.


In other metal news, the Writers Guild of America is warning its members not to work for the upcoming variety show starring Ozzy Osbourne. The Fox Network will be offering six episodes of The Osbournes: Loud and Dangerous, a 60-minute variety show that'll most likely start as a Christmas special in December and then tie in with American Idol afterward. Yes, when WB thinks of the holidays, we think of... Ozzy and Sharon. But think of the cool possibilities: At the end of The Nutcracker Suite, Ozzy can bite the head off the Sugar Plum Fairy.


The last issue of Rolling Stone had its back cover turned upside down and looking like an issue dedicated to Showtime's Dexter, but now the entire magazine appears to be for sale as one giant ad. The current issue has a fake cover on top of the real cover (left) — it looks like a retro throwback to 1973 and features Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show along with some faux headlines from the time. The Dr. Hook reference is brilliant, since those were the guys who hit the 70s charts with a Shel Silverstein-written song called "Cover of the Rolling Stone," about wanting to see their picture there, and who subsequently did get their picture there when the song exploded. The phony cover/real ad has several layers of meaning simultaneously screaming LOOK AT THIS COVER, and it's all a promo for the new ABC show, "Life on Mars," about a cop who messes with the space-time continuum (note: never do that!) and ends up — yet another layer — thrown back into the 1970s. And we thought it was a bad sign when our last 361-page issue of Vanity Fair contained 317 pages of advertisements.


Newsweek's cover featured a larger-than-life closeup of Sarah Palin's face, revealing that the mayor of Wasilla Alaska governor is in desperate need of some pore cleansing pads for her nose and some discreet waxing treatment for her upper lip. Of course, the magazine could have Photoshopped the image to make it a bit more flattering, but as Ms. Palin herself has said, she wants to be right up front with the American people. Probably not quite this up front, but at least there can't be any photo manipulation controversy....


And speaking of our favorite would-be VP, Larry Flynt and his Hustler crew are rushing production of Nailin' Palin, an "adult spoof" that will "take the viewer on a naughty adventure to the wild side of that sexy Alaska governor." Click left to read the craiglist ad for a lookalike porn star. Meanwhile, we think we'll just stick with wholesome Tina Fey parodies instead — and applaud our favorite impersonator for her recent $6 million book deal, too. As The Boss once said: From small things, mama, big things one day come.

We're pleased to note that a new WB contributor, Thor Heyadoll, has had a hand in writing this post.
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