Saturday, September 27, 2008

Now we want a reality show about the 'pitch' meetings where networks approve this stuff.

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"Accidents happen. Cleaning up the mess isn’t for the faint of heart. Be on the scene with the crew from O’Hare Towing as they put their lives on the double-yellow line. Meet Chicago’s toughest towing family living life in the crash lane. Ride with the brave crew of O’Hare towing. Hear real stories. Witness real danger. Discover the untold side of the business of towing and get hooked on WRECKED, Life in the Crash Lane."

That's the official blurb from Speed TV for a show that's even more inane than the Discovery Channel's Verminators, which tries to generate ludicrous drama and suspense around guys killing bugs. With Wrecked, it's... well, guys towing wrecks. Hooking up tow cables and straps. Lifting stuff. Moving things out of the way. All, of course, with ultra-dramatic voiceover (VO, in industry code) reminding viewers that the cables could snap, straps could break, lifts could drop, moved things could... er, not move.

Nail-gnawing suspense, it's not. WB caught part of an episode where a truck trailer was jammed under a bridge on Wabash Avenue in downtown Chicago, and since we know the area well, we wanted to see how the "brave" and "tough" towing crew got it out of there. After ten minutes of MTV edits and bathos-drenched voiceover, the guys let the air out of the trailer's tires and created enough space to unstick it. Ta-da, big relief, zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

WB had a barbecue on Saturday, and that gave us an idea for a new show: Gas Grill Goliaths.©®™ It'd revolve around a handful of people who cook beef and pork — VO: dangerous and possibly fatal disease-ridden meats — outside with propane — VO: an explosive and flammable fuel — on hot steel grates — VO: a potentially gruesome source of injury — for friends and family, who would all have dramatic back stories to be told in 15-second pauses between the grilling drama and suspense.

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Discovery? Spike? Speed? Just give us a call; we're ready to negotiate.

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