Monday, September 15, 2008

Hole in the head.

We already mentioned this here and here, but knowing that reviews are WB's most appreciated subject matter, Litchik recently took one for the team and actually watched the sneak peek of Fox's Hole in the Wall.

All of it.

And somebody owes her. Big time.

In a word, this show is stupid. Reviews should be objective, based on defined criteria, and fair, but really, this show deserves none of that. It moves beyond low-brow to no-brow. It would insult the intelligence of a comatose patient. Here's how dumb television producers think we are:

The "game" pits two teams against each other. The teams on this particular night were The Six Packs (three fit bodybuilders in love with themselves) and The Beer Bellies (three shlubs in love with themselves). It's clear that the producers were going for the classic "jocks vs. party boys" rivalry, the alphas vs. the betas, the Brad Pitts vs. the Seth Rogens... you get the idea. And that's about the smartest part of the show.

All team members have to mold their bodies to a hole in a wall that is moving towards them. (Yes, the title is hyper-literal.) If they manage to maneuver their bodies through the wall without getting knocked into a five-foot pool of what looks like neon green water, they win a point. Team members can face the wall individually, two at a time, or the whole team, depending on — you guessed it — the number of holes in the wall.

The best part of the show is the scoring system. If team members fall into the water, the words "NOT CLEARED" appear in red at the bottom of the screen; if they don't fall, the word "CLEARED" flashes in red. For folks keeping score at home, this is especially handy as the person falling into the water might not be enough of a clue that the team failed to score. This is just half the game, but we suspect that anyone who is seriously considering watching this show has already stopped reading this or, more likely, has never browsed WB before, so we'll spare the rest.

Not being satisfied with just lowering the bar, Fox has instead removed the bar altogether and hidden it deep in the bowels of its studios. Watching television has never been more passive. America, get ready to drool when you tune in to this show.

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